Yoga. It makes you whole, connected, peaceful and calm right? Well it does sometimes. There are days when I practically float off my mat and feel at one with the universe until I walk into my kitchen and see Weetabix crusting up every surface and a pile of shit emptied from a drawer onto the floor and I find myself screaming I’m not your fucking slave at the top of my voice to anyone who will listen - nearly always the neighbours as the kids have their headphones on and can’t hear a thing. So does that mean I’m not a good Yogi after all my years of practice? BKS Iyengar said the test of yoga is being a householder. We can all experience inner peace sitting at the top of a mountain watching a sunset as we sip green tea but most of us don’t have the luxury of doing that unless we’ve paid to go on a retreat.
Writing a few centuries ago Hobbes said human life is “nasty, brutish and short“ which is a little pessimistic (although a spookily accurate description of many of my days during lockdown) but for sure real life is messy and chaotic just as I’m messy and chaotic some days. So does that mean my yoga is a waste of time ? Does it mean I haven’t got it after all these years of practice? I think not - yoga is my invitation to begin again with each new breath. To let go of the pain of the past and fear of the future and to return to this moment with this breath and begin again.
I’m human and I lose it some days it’s what I do next that counts and often it starts with forgiving myself for being human, hugging my boys because I love them dearly which is more important than a tidy kitchen and accepting myself as I am with all my perceived flaws. That’s my yoga. Every day I get the opportunity to begin again and to do things differently.